1. On Being a Know-It-All
A fancy salesman in a flashy new convertible was on his way traveling through rural Arkansas headed to a meeting with a small country retail store owner named Sam Walton. The salesman stopped at a small diner in what seemed the middle of nowhere to have a sandwich and gain directions to the Walton store. He parked his large new convertible next to the only pickup in the empty lot. He walked in and sat at the counter next to an older white haired farmer in coveralls and boots.
The farm hand said hello, and the salesman said hello back. The farmer asked him what brought him to these parts.
"Well, said the salesman with a little chip on his shoulder, this is all new to me. I come down to visit a small country store. My boss signs the paycheck and he thinks they may be in the market for our top line of kitchen utensils. Personally I think this whole trip is a waste of time. I know just as sure as I am sitting here people of this lower class level will never buy such fine merchandise."
"I see," said the farmer. With that, the farmer finished his coffee, said thanks to the waitress, paid his tab and left.
About a half hour later the salesman had finished his lunch and coffee, as he was paying his tab, he asked the waitress how he might find Sam Walton and his store.
Well said the waitress, it's a shame, if I had known you were looking for Sam I could have introduced you to him when you were talking to him a half hour ago. Assumptions can make an ass out of you and me.
The greatest strength of a professional negotiator is to not know because they know they don't. When someone says, "I know," "I think," "they will," "I am sure," "they won't," "they can't," "they will not," you have someone making an assumption.
Where does assumption come from? It comes from all of us being rewarded for knowing the answer. We are rewarded for knowing the answer in school and in knowing the answer at work. We are conditioned to be all knowing. To be right, to be the smartest, to know more than the others gives us our greatest rewards.
The best negotiator, the professional negotiatior, knows the truth. The pro knows they don't know what the other person is thinking. They know they don't know how the other person sees it. The pro knows that every time a teammate says "I think," they have an assumption to deal with. Just think how much further ahead our salesman in the story would have be if he didn't assume he knew what the folks in Arkansas would buy and if he didn't assume the man in overalls and boots was a lowly farmer.
Every time you catch yourself making an assumption, write it down, make a small note that you made an assumption and it was a mistake. Don't take anyone for granted. Their dress, the elegance of it, or the commonality of it tells you nothing. Stop thinking you can read body language; react to it, but don't assume anything from it. When you use the word "power," just remember to think you have the power is itself an assumption. Remember, ass-u-me.
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2.
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3. An Adversary Without Vision
What we say or don't say can be the difference between a successful strong agreement or a dismal failure with no agreement of value. The words we choose, coupled with the tone of voice, are critically important. The words we speak can impact the emotions in a good way, creating a positive vision, or they can impact the emotions and build a raging inferno that creates a negative vision and destroys any chance for us.
For example, just yesterday I had a negotiation with a young man who was interested in being coached in his negotiations in his new career of commercial real estate. As an airline pilot, his industry required roughly five years of high level training and skill development. His flying career had collapsed around him, and he took it very hard. Unfortunately, he did not have a vision of his future. All he could see was what he had to leave behind. As the conversation unfolded, I could tell his emotions were running high. I sensed he was in overload.
Pat, not his real named, had read my first book "Start With No" and had contacted us to discuss our coaching and his future. He had just joined a commercial real estate brokerage. The organization he joined had five high level performers who told Pat all he needed to do was get out there and get 'em. Just getting out there and getting them wasn't working, and Pat was frustrated and worried about his savings being depleted.
In my conversation with Pat, I asked him what he saw as his biggest challenge and his reply was, "I don't know who to listen to, you and your book, or the guys I am working with. They tell me to just get out there and talk to people and make something happen, and you and your book tell me a whole lot of things to do that I just don't know if they'll work or not."
In a slow, low voice, I said, "I see, it is tough to start a whole new game. How long can you continue on the path you are on?"
His reply was the question, "What do you mean?"
So I asked again in a slightly different way. "How long can you continue like this financially?"
"Well," he said, "I can go on for a couple of years, but I don't want to do that, I want to be successful much sooner. I'm being pushed and pulled by all of this and I don't like it. I don't know who to listen too."
So where should I go from here with Pat? Should I keep pushing and try to close the deal? Should I continue with the vision development? No to both. System tells us that we must influence the relief of the emotional pressure Pat is under. We must ask Pat to feel comfortable and just tell us "no." We must give him permission to reject coaching and continue his current path. To do anything else will stoke the emotional fires and make it very difficult for him to see the value and embrace coaching. Any attempt to force the decision in our favor will at best build a terrible agreement that will fall apart and at worst will drive the opportunity so far away it will never return. Even though Pat said to me, "I don't want to reject coaching," we must stick with a calm, slow delivery that assures Pat it is ok to reject and continue to work and negotiate as he is currently doing.
Eventually in the call Pat did reject coaching and we ended the call with, "good luck and if you think we can help in the future give us a call." I will mark the calendar and we'll reach out to him in a month or so to see if we can help.
Will he come back; will he embrace coaching, you ask? I don't know, but I know this. I do not want a bad coaching agreement that falls apart. We know coaching is not for everyone. If Pat comes back, it will be because he sees what he requires to grow.
We'll see and I'll keep you posted.
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